Uh-oh.  She's posting on a Saturday.  Something must have really gotten her fired-up.

That is correct, astute reader.  I just got ANOTHER email from CattleNetwork.com with one of the most ridiculous articles I have yet read from them - and that's saying something.  In fact, this article is so goofy, I'm almost thinking that it might be satire.  But, after reading it and re-reading it, I have come to the sick, sad conclusion that the author, Kris Ringwall, a "Beef Specialist" (what does that mean?) with NDSU Extension Service, is dead serious. 

Here's the URL.  Click over and read it so I don't have to quote every other sentence, and then come back here.

http://www.cattlenetwork.com/BeefTalk--Do-You-Know-Your-IMPS-Numbers/2009-10-23/Article_CowCalf.aspx?oid=928531&fid=CN-COW_CALF&emc=el&m=528751&l=3&v=7c80178e0a

Now, I'm not sure if Kris-with-a-K is a male or a female, so I'll assume he is a male, because it is far less insulting to call a woman a man, than to call a man a woman.  In fact, every once in a while someone will call me "sir" on the phone, and I have to admit, I kinda enjoy that.  I must really be dominant, because my voice is closer to Ellie May Clampett than to Janet Reno.  At least, I sure hope that's the case.

But I digress.  Back to the article.  I don't even know where exactly to start.  Is Kris suggesting that you need to memorize all of the IMPS cut numbers?  And maybe also the muscles that compose every IMPS cut?  WHAT?  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  TELL ME THIS IS SATIRE.  TELL ME THIS IS A JOKE.  Like that would make any difference whatsoever to anything in your life, business or profitability?  Man, talk about being in a state of denial.  Talk about barking up the wrong tree.  That's like having your bacon catch on fire on the stovetop, and deciding that the best thing to do would be to go take a ballroom dancing lesson. 

Grease Fire!  Quick - get me to the nearest Arthur Murray Dance Studio!!!

WHAT????

Attention ALL cattlemen:  You do NOT need to memorize IMPS cut codes.  You don't need to even be aware that IMPS cut codes exist.  You don't need to know the prices of any beef cuts.  You don't need to know the historical-seasonal trends in any of the beef cuts.  Do you know why?

BECAUSE YOU DON'T SELL BEEF!!!!!  

You.  Sell.  Cattle.

I better cool off or I'm going to have an infarction.  Where are my nitroglycerin pills? 

FUN WITH MATH:

Ogallala, Ne, Thursday, October 22nd:

SELL 842# top-quality steer @ $95.52

Buy 624# top-quality steer @ $94.42

Return on the gain = $0.99

Profit per head with a $0.78 cost of gain = $45.78

And while Kris-with-a-K is dithering with 109B cap/wedge meat price quotes, wondering why all of his local cattlemen are getting divorced and then going out of business, I'm going to be over here, with my little group of friends, and we're going to be MAKING MONEY.  Come, join our strange little cult.  There's room for one more . . .

Forecasters are killing the North American Cattle Industry.
"Global warming" is a complete fraud designed to advance the cause of socialism and enslave humanity.
Abortion is the murder of an innocent human being and is never justified under any circumstance whatsoever.
Every human being is a question, to which the ONLY answer is Jesus Christ.