I know I could risk losing a few very precious KRVN blog readers by ranting about this, but I am gonna go for it anyway. Today I hate computer tech people.

Last week I cooked a computer. Not on purpose in the microwave or anything stupid like that, I just turned it on after it was in a cold car and due to condensation, it sizzled up like bacon.

Stupid. I admit it.

In light of the fact that I needed a computer quickly, I ordered a new one from a company that I have dealt with in the past- they seemed to be a pretty decent company, so I thought the risk was minimal.

First, let me point out that I actually felt the money being swept from my account as I ordered.  They wasted no time in telling me that the money was already extracted from my account! No waste of time there!

Second, they shipped me my laptop and it actually arrived within 3 days. EXTREMELY impressive.

Third, I have discovered a few things about ordering computers...

If the computer does not work, they can ship it in 3 days or less.

If the computer has to be shipped FROM you to THEM, the shipping will now take 9 days.

If you want tech support, you have to have three available days and the patience of God.

You guessed it. It did not work.

Here is how tha last of the conversation went:

"I need this computer for a presentation tomorrow, is there NOTHING you can do?"

"No sir, you have to send it back to us"

"Can you tell me what the problem MIGHT be?"

"I believe we forgot to install the card"

"So this is not even a WHOLE COMPUTER?"

"It is not the whole computer you paid for"

"I have no way of getting my work done now!"

"Yes sir, I understand that. Have a nice day"

I tried to get online to see if I could use online tech support...

Here is what I found:

Describe your problem: ____________________________________________ 
Now, describe the problem accurately: 
___________________________________________________________________ 
Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem: 
___________________________________________________________________ 
Problem Severity:
A. Minor__
B. Minor__
C. Minor__
D. Trivial__ 
Nature of the problem:
A. Locked Up__
B. Frozen__
C. Hung__
D. Shot__ 
Is your computer plugged in? Yes__ No__ 
Is it turned on? Yes__ No__ 
Have you tried to fix it yourself? Yes__ No__ 
Have you made it worse? Yes__ 
Have you read the manual? Yes__ No__ 
Are you sure you've read the manual? Yes__ No__ 
Are you absolutely certain you've read the manual? No__ 
Do you think you understood it? Yes__ No__ 
If `Yes' then why can't you fix the problem yourself? 
___________________________________________________________________ 
How tall are you? Are you above this line? _______ 
What were you doing with your computer at the time the problem occurred? 
___________________________________________________________________ 
If `nothing' explain why you were logged in. 
___________________________________________________________________ 
Are you sure you aren't imagining the problem? Yes__ No__ 
How does this problem make you feel? 
___________________________________________________________________ 
Tell me about your childhood ____________________________________________ 
Do you have any independent witnesses of the problem? Yes__ No__ 
Can't you do something else, instead of bothering me? Yes__

I'd blog more but I have to call UPS.