7> Kitty's hair balls contain absolutely no hair, but smell
    suspiciously of Captain Morgan.

6> Your Chihuahua has the shakes. I mean REALLY has the shakes.

5> Your turtle has Courtney Love's pager number on speed-dial.

4> Mr. Fluffy and his hamster wheel are now powering half of
    Cincinnati.

3> Your dog not only caught the Doritos truck, he drove it back
    to warehouse to be refilled.

2> The hyenas keep asking the giraffes if they're high, then
    giggle uncontrollably.

    and the Number 1 Sign An Animal Is an Addict...


1> "Brach, Polly wants some crack...brach!"