14> Twenty bucks at the door covers all the Colt 45 you can drink.

13> You're the most popular kid there and everyone's in awe of
    your outfit.

12> Instead of a corsage, everyone gets a free bowl of soup.

11> On entering the ballroom, you're handed a copy of "Dianetics."

10> The Grand Kleegle is coming up to call the next square dance.

8> All the girls are on the stage in chains and Michael Steele
    is buying everyone drinks.

7> The stretch limo looks suspiciously like two old Pintos duct
    taped together.

6> The theme was "Rodeo," but all you see is men with no
    shirts and chaps.

5> Your slow dance keeps getting interrupted by a lay-up drill.

4> "Welcome, Guantanamo Bay High School Seniors!"

3> Two hours in and no one has puked on your shoes.

2> The buffet awaits you in the next room, and you can chow down
    right after you take a quick moment to here about some lovely
    Aspen timeshares.

  and the Number 1 Sign You're Not at the Real Prom...


1> The crew from "Mythbusters" is filling the room with
    crash-test dummies.